Random Dan

Our neighbour met my two sons at our front gate recently. Daniel called out to enquire if she had asthma. When she denied this he told her and I quote.. “I don’t have asthma but I always have bad dreams about polar bears”. These are the kind of things my children frequently say to other humans – random and at times quite funny.
So for a kind of social experiment I thought I’d jot down some of the more profound and philosophical thinkings of our Dan over the course of one weekend. Here goes….

After I was 30 seconds late to pick him up at school…
“Where the hell where you? I was standing here for like a full minute. I had to carry my own bag, coat and everything. And as well those sandwiches you made were minging.”

“There was a bat flying around the outside of Granny’s house tonight. Caolan thinks his name is Batty, I said it isn’t, he’s called John.”

“You know zombies? You know how they’re all grumpy and angry? What if you baked them a cake or bought them a present, do you think they would still suck your blood?”

At 3.30am Saturday night
“Arrrgghhh!! My cupboard is trying to eat me!!”

“If a sheep saw a bold man doing something bad how could he tell the police?”

“I wish I was an octopus then if I had an itchy arm at the same time as I had an itchy leg I could scratch them both at the same time”

“What’s for dinner tonight? Chicken? Chicken? Why do you love chicken? I actually really hate chicken, it’s rubbish. We have chicken for dinner every single night and you give me chicken sandwiches for lunch. Well I think you are a really rubbish cooker.”

“How do vampires suck your blood? Do they have holes in their teeth with tubes in them?”

On passing a field in which a farmer is building a shed
“What’s that farmer doing? Is he building a toilet for his cows?

To a bank teller
“Give me £100 I want to buy a Wii. What? No I don’t have an account. What’s an account? I just want £100. That’s not the way it works? My mum comes here all the time and you give her money, give me £100.”

“I can’t sleep. I have a radio inside my head and I can’t switch it off. It’s playing Sharp Dressed Man over and over again really loud.”

“What do you call the street the doctors is on? Cabbage Street?”

Reciting his take on the Lord’s prayer which he says before meals at school
“Our Father, night and heaven, bless me for this chicken pie”

So there you have it, the ramblings of my six year old. I honestly don’t know where he gets it from….