With a new baby due in the summer I have begun the traditional gathering of ‘stuff’ that every new baby needs – Bob Marley toupee, vampire teeth, Mum heart tattoos and helmet.
Yes indeed I’ve spent the last few nights trawling the internet for those essentials that a newborn and their weary parents simply can’t function without, and I’ve come up with the following.
Baby tattoos
No street-cred concerned newborn can be seen without a heart motto Mum tattoo. Available at just $4.99 at the www.blueq.com website, these little gems are FDA (Food and Drugs Administration) approved. There are a whole host to choose from – they’ve got Belfast Docks issue sailor’s anchors to cutesy dummies. There’s also a section with tattoos for the elderly so Granny can get into the action as well with her ‘Arthritis Sucks’ temporary ink.
Baby bottom fan
This miraculous Chinese invention promotes dry, healthy skin. To the naked eye it appears to be a run-of-the-mill hand-held fan, but closer inspection reveals a perfume dispensing function and spongy finger friendly blades. One would imagine that fresh air would serve the same purpose, but then again sleep deprived and deranged new parents might feel that shop bought jars of fresh air take up precious cupboard space.
Baby Toupes
Nappies – check. Babygroes – check. Steriliser – check. Dummies – check. Bob Marley wig and woolly hat – check. Yes indeed, the latest craze in the States is wigs for kids. We’ve got the Lil Kim, The Samuel L and the Donald to choose from. But my favourite, bought and paid for already, is the Bob – a Bob Marley inspired bunch of mellow dreads capped with a Rasta hat, a bargain at $21.99. Superb. Available at www.babytoupee.com.
Weird soothers
Billy-Bob Pacifiers is an institution in the states. There are so many to choose from – we’ve got the Lil Vampire, Lil Piglet, Baby Bugs and my favourite, the Little King, fashioned on the quivering lips of Elvis himself. If you’re into causing a stir by giving your bubba realistic looking rotting, brown, and yellowing teeth then this is the place for you. www.billybobpacifiers.com.
Knee pads and helmet
No, not for you, for the child. Your baby will never suffer grazed, sore or red knees again. They can even be worn outside. Check them out on www.snazzybaby.com. To compliment their cool pads why not furnish your bubba with a Thudguard helmet? While it looks soft and cute, be conscious that your child will never forgive you for trussing him up in pads and helmets while his piers cut knees and learn life lessons.
Baby snot sucker
Yuk. Don’t even go there. If you must you can check it out on www.nosefrida.com.
So there you have it, my baby gift list is sorted.
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