My two sons have decided on vampirism as a career path.
Up until last week my oldest was keen on becoming a rock star. My middle lad had his eye on a job within the ranks of Translink as a part time train driver with a spot of superhero work at the weekends. I had hoped they’d become an accountant and a bank manager, but what can you do?
This week, after getting all dolled up as the undead for a school Halloween party the pair have had their heads turned by the thought of a career within the blood sucking community.
I suppose it was the whole immortality, being a creature of the night, morphing into a bat, looking fierce while wearing a fancy black cape that attracted them to the particular profession. If I’m honest I’d say being an accountant would be boring in comparison.
I, of course, will support them in any way I can. I even went online to inquire as to how one actually becomes a vampire. Oddly I couldn’t find any courses available at our local tech. The only thing similar was a 10-week online course entitled ‘Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts and Witches Legend and Reality’ available on the government’s careers advice website.
Now I don’t think the course has any practical elements. It probably involves a lot of chatting about vampires instead of actually tutoring people on how to properly and professional extract blood for consumption. My boys would really need to know the ins and outs of steering clear of wooden stakes, avoiding garlic cloves, holy water and sunlight and also how to see adequately in the dark.
I’d say they’re on the right road with regards primary training at the moment – frequently moping around during the day looking miserable, wanting to stay up all night and randomly hissing at people. And they have been honing their scare tactics by jumping out of cupboards roaring “ARGGHHHH!!!” at Granny.
I haven’t told them that one of the main elements on the vampire job description form is that they have to drink actual blood – no more lasagne, chips or pizza for them. It’ll save me a fortune in grocery bills.
However, if they do decide to give up on the vampire career they could always use their training elsewhere.
They might think of following another career which requires a stony cold heart and blood sucking abilities and become traffic wardens. (I kid, some of my best friends are traffic wardens)
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