My middle boy, Caolan, is five years old today and in celebration I thought I’d give you all a small glimpse into his crazy world, in the form of a few classic Caolanisms. Don’t stay too long, as prolonged exposure can lead to permanent derangement.
“Rebecca threw up in school today. How come girl’s puke is pink? Is boy’s puke blue then? So how come when I throw up it’s like green. Does that mean I’m an alien?”
Accompanying his father to the pet shop to buy a special whistle to stop our dog from barking.
“I know we need a whistle, but I don’t think the dog will ever be able to blow that, it’s too small, he’ll probably swallow it and choke. Also will a whistle not get annoying after a while too? I think I'd prefer to hear him bark, if he's whistling all day long it will make my brain hurt."
“What colour is my brain? And will it not fall out of my ear when I sleep on my side?”
His reaction to our car engine going up in flames in busy city centre traffic last Christmas.
“That is the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Do it again.”
To Santa on a visit to our local winter wonderland village.
Santa: “Hello little boy. What would you like for Christmas?”
Caolan: “Yip, hello. Are you really from Lapland? See those tissues on your table there, they’re from Tescos. Did you bring them over with you or did you buy them here?”
Santa: “What’s your name?”
Caolan: “Caolan, what’s yours?”
Santa: “John.”
To my mother in a buttering-up exercise regarding chocolate biscuits.
“Granny, there’s a girl in school with yellow hair and she’s beautiful. But not as beautiful as you. You’re a total babe, missus.”
On being questioned as to why he was attempting to flush a bath towel down the toilet.
“I was just trying to unblock it.”
“Stop nagging, you’re giving me a sore head, like really sore. I told you already I will not break any more windows. God almighty woman will you stop going on about it.”
On being questioned as to why his bedroom wall was covered in red and green poster paint at Caolan height.
“It wasn’t me. It must have been the dog. He’s kinda tall too”.
“Why do we have to have another baby? There’s hardly any room in the back seat of the car as it is. And what about the sofa? How's another baby going to fit on there. It's just mad."
To the little boy who arrived at his party with a card (with a monetary gift enclosed)
“Where’s my present? You can’t come in unless you’ve brought me a present.”
Just some of the reasons we love our boy. Happy birthday sunshine.
x
Bless him! My big boy is six next week - it's a brilliant age.
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