10 things I now know

Now our baby boy is here I have been spending more time at doctor’s surgeries, queuing for immunisations or baby clinics.
I find there’s nothing quite like waiting for an hour and a half in a room full of screaming children to dampen the spirits. The only good thing about these visits is the camaraderie with fellow mums, the advice, the laughter, the understanding.
One such visit was lightened by conversations on the quirks of motherhood. Below are 10 things I know now.
One – you spend the entire day, morning to night, run ragged doing stuff but actually getting nothing done, and there are quite literally not enough hours in the day. You will often not know what day it is.
Two – you can go days without speaking with another human being. When you do they shy away because you a) have not washed you hair in five days b) didn’t have time to hide the under-eye bags with makeup and c) ramble like a crazy woman because you have forgotten how to interact with fellow earth dwellers.
Three – can quite adequately survive on three hours sleep a night and still muster the strength to function, smile and laugh.
Four – us mothers have no fear, we shall not shy away from projectile vomit, explosive nappies, wee, snot, spiders, spots or spit.
Five – where a luxury break BC (before children) would have been a five star spa weekend in west Donegal, these days it’s a sit down and a luke warm cup of tea.
Six – you’ll spend eight hours getting yourself and the baby ready for a trip into town ‘to go shopping’ only to spend the entire shopping trip in a café feeding the baby until the shops close.
Seven – Your conversation après-baby revolve solely around the baby and it’s bodily functions. Other people will find this boring and tell you to shut up, don’t listen to them. Talk for hours about your birth experience in graphic detail. Show visitors to your house the recording your husband made of the birth with the sound turned up real loud. It’s a right every parent has earned.




Eight – The breastfeeding diet. The thing they don’t tell you in the books is that you can eat whatever you want – mountains of cakes, chips, crisps and buns – and mysteriously not put on any weight while you breastfeed.
Nine – Babies change your life, put paid to your social life, takeover your house and car, spend all your money and cause no end of worry but they are worth every single penny spent, every single grey hair, every single night out that never was.
Ten –There is nothing, nothing like the smell of a newborn baby’s head or the sheer bliss of being wrapped up under the duvet, feeding a chubby, contented baby while the world sleeps outside.