Creche for men

It’s a well known fact that the male species can’t handle shopping. Unlike women they approach it like a chore, some even look upon it as a form of torture and therefore it makes them grumpy and irritable.
Taking male humans outside their comfort zone – within five feet of a TV, 10 ft from a source of food or refreshment, off a comfy seat – is never a good idea. And so this year, having four male humans in my family, Christmas shopping has been a mini nightmare.
There’s the whining about going to ‘those women’s shops’ ie any shop that doesn’t sell toys, there’s the “I’m tired” complaints as soon as we leave the car, there’s the grumping at other shoppers when they get in their way, the trolley rage, the queue rage – and that’s just the husband. The boys drag their feet, want everything, throw diva tantrums and all of them need half hour tea and bun breaks.
Women shop in a completely different fashion – for enjoyment. Women I know (as in my die-hard sale loving sister) could shop for ten hours without once taking a break. She once queued outside overnight in freezing conditions just to be the first person into a St Steven’s Day sale. She’s like the Terminator when she gets in there. That’s hardcore, awe-inspiring, inspirational even.
Most men shop in a completely different way – frenzied, flustered, frustrated and maniacal. If you’re in town today look around at all the fish out of water. There’s the man in the chemist buying five boxes of the same talcum powder as a present for his missus, there’s the man trying and failing to remember his partner’s dress size, there’s the guy buying enough bubble bath to sink the Titanic. And they’re all wandering around, looking anxious, bumping into each other. Or there’s the other ones following their partners around looking glum, carrying a mountain of bags and hyperventilating because they’re sighing so loudly and frequently.
I always thought it would be a fantastic to have a type of crèche for husbands during Christmas. Us girls could leave them there, forget about them for a few hours and collect them when all the shopping is done.
They could recreate their comfort zones in this hubby creche – their favourite chairs, a remote control in one hand a cup of tea in the other, football on the box. It would save a lot of Christmas headaches. It’s an idea for next year…
Wishing everyone a lovely, peaceful and happy Christmas from the O’Neills.